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Babylon Bee: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen

re: The Babylon Bee

Never say never.

Babylon Bee: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen

2021-09-14

CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.

"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."

... Tim Cook confirmed he has software engineers and Chinese Uyghur slaves working overtime to ensure the "vax-verify" technology is ready for primetime.

...

WIND: I hope the 1/3 of the population that has trouble with humor gets this one.


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