Pfizer Promises Omicron Vaccine Will Be Ready In Time For Their Q1 Earnings Report

2022-01-10 • SEND FEEDBACK |

Related: COVID Omicron variant, Medical Industrial Complex, SARS-CoV-2 aka COVID-19 aka Coronavirus

Sniffles to us all, please.

The Babylon Bee: Pfizer Promises Omicron Vaccine Will Be Ready In Time For Their Q1 Earnings Report

NEW YORK—During their monthly shareholder meeting, Pfizer announced that an updated vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report.

"We are committed to the longevity of this company," said Pfizer CEO, Derrick Pfizer. "As they say in the vaccine business, 'if you're not jabbing, you're lagging.' We understand that endless new vaccines are critical to our bottom line ever since I bought that giant space yacht...

"We need to maintain our rigorous testing standards, but we should still be in good shape if we skip animal testing and go straight to children. You can't make an omelet unless you break a few eggs, I always say."

...

WIND: two weeks to flatten the curve.